Feb 23, 2007

Why?

The lucky ones don't ask themselves that question

The clever ones have found the answer

The others either conform to society or are strenuosly looking for something

Is really the long term answer believing in God or getting married and having a kid?
Is that really the solution?

Is really looking at a sunset, go to the gym and read a book or watch a movie a solution or pretence of contentness?

Well... one thing is clear to me. I'm not gonna find an answer, hence I need to find a solution.

Not much choice really. Human kind really doesn't have a purpose in this world, but we are here and everyone has found a way of coping with it. Why can't I?
Why my mind finds so difficult to accept that in this circumstance is neither black or white, I'm here because not sure, but I'm supposed to continue the proliferation of the species.
Actually I know now why I'm here, it's clear to me, I'm just the solution to somebody's else question, shame I turned out to be a volatile unhappy solution. I suppose I should be sorry for it, but it really wasn't my choice.
Would I want that my solution turned out to be like me?
No, that' s the worst wish to anybody. Do I feel guilty for it, yes definetely, but it could have been a happy solution. It's a gamble and I wouldn't even know how to calculate the probability, it will be more a logic problem, something like.... if out of all the possible solutions to fulfill myself, I decide to have a kid, what's the chance that it will turn out like me and destroy all your plans and ....

5 comments:

Lady V said...

Darling, when I left you last night we felt a bit better, didn't we? What did the Ghetto do to you?

I am just back from a dinner where 5 out of the 6 women there had had children since I last saw them. I was the only one without. Clearly I felt shit, but I did before I got there. Out of them, about 3 felt good, the other 2 unfulfilled. I don't know how the kids feel about it.

Like you say, it's a gamble. The thing about having children is that, actually, you can't control it. You have them and you try to bring them up as best you can, but ultimately, they're themselves and you can't do much about it. They might hate the world. It might go absolutely tits up (not that I'm saying if it were like you that would be the case, because I think you're wonderful). But it might not. And think about how great it would feel to have played a part in that. No?

It's not logical. Why would you put yourself though 9 months of puking and being fat, then excruciating pain, plus the torment of sleepless nights and then living with a kid who hates you for about years whilst it's a teenager? But people do it.....

Obviously this is all a huge projection. I share your pain. But maybe we need to stop thinking about it and just get on with it.

FKJ said...

oh shut it the pair of you



jesus mary and magdalene...

albeo said...

I think we should all move to Africa and adopt hundreds of children like Madonna

Becky Flash said...

My clamoring 34-year-old uterus has fallen quite silent thanks to the cautionary tale of Britney Spears.

MicNic said...

I think you should start saving the penny's for next years Sydney Gay, Lesbian Mardi Gra.
Now stop thinking about Why and start thinking about your costume