What I ask for it is just some comprehension, something... I don't know ... a minimal thing that goes the way I want.
Friends which are faithful and coherent, a job which doesn't depress me, a lover which understands what hurts me, but I came to the conclusion that it must be me. Either I accept life and people for what they are and I adapt to it, or I don't.
I tried, but I can't, I just can't believe that everything can be so wrong for so long.
I didn't want to be in this world, I am and I will never cope with it. I think that it's a skill, which I don't have and I don't seem to be able to learn, unfortunately they don't run an MBA on it, if they did I couldn't afford one anyway.
I think today I officially gave up, whatever happens next I truly don't care.
See I'm tempted to leave my job for the day of my birthday, the first only beautiful amazing present I ever received for my birthday, but that means I will have to leave the place where I live, the only thing which I can go back to, the only door in life of which I have a key for, the only thing I actually created. It's material, I know but it does exist, it's the only comfort I get, the only thing which doesn't change its mind, unlike people. Giving it up it will be like giving up everything. Yes it's sad, but that it's the way I live, waiting for somebody to understand me, unfortunately only walls can, however I don't fully own them, because you know in life you also have to be lucky enough to be male white posh and rich otherwise it's the equivalent of being thrown off a cliff, just that unfortunately they didn't, so they kill you slowly to make you stay here and keep being a hamster.
I'm even too coward and too fed up to end it all, I'm so stupid I'm waiting for people to do it for me. But my existence is killing me slowly eventually it will all end, and as I want it to be quick it won't, it will be a slow destroying pain.. just please write on my grave
Born turbated, died misunderstood.
If I could just not see tomorrow, that will be such a relief.
Probably you wish I never came back to blogging, but then do you really care?
Probably you wish I never came back to blogging, but then do you really care?
7 comments:
so no himalaya update?
britney said it best i feel
my loneliness.. is killing me...
Well sweetie, the first thing I did when I got back was to check your blog so some of us want to hear it..
Big kiss.
Oh. Finally back on line. I see you are in full spirits. GREAT. I am looking forward to more jolly updates!
I gave up on you. I admit it but now I am grateful that you are back. I think you need your own TV show.
I'd like to see you start a video blog.
Video blog? How to kill yourself in pictures?
Yes, it would be a world wide sensation.
Be sure to secure your advertising before it hits the world press.
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