Stop 3 Gaudi is a genius, why they don't make his chairs

The great hotel where they don't like to give customers the window handles.. just in case the jump off!!  Well it was a bit embarassing to take the lift 16 floors down to ask for the handles and be told that nobody is allowed to have them!!! oh well

Cokoo.. who's the behind the sofa babbau??

Look what a happy place... they have smileys on the street

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh`!

The egg... 

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Wish I could make those angry faces as pfrap on her blog ( which I really love, but unfortunately in years now haven't managed to post a comment into.. ) - the buying the HD tv to play videogames... well that's something I would do too..

anyway... I know I said I'd stop ranting.. but really had another very bad day at work- I'm starting to wonder if I had a good one since I joined.
Anyhow.. today I got called again by my boss for a meeting.. I stepped again on their head ops.. truly.. but he eventually explained how the politics inside my workplace works.

Basically if you have a problem or an idea or a complaint you go to your boss ( I have 3 at my desk- yes not even the credit crunch got rid of them- mind you we fired tons of people- but the good ones, the lazy ones are all there).

Anyway if your idea is not listened to or your problem solved you are, under any circumstance, allowed to talk to anybody above the 3 guys about it ( even if they 3 don't understand what I'm talking about).
The additional accident apparently happened on Friday.
This is what happened, after a dinner with a client ( where my boss took me as he can't hold a discussion about the markets) we met the boss of my boss of my bosses outside a pub, we stopped for a chat and as I expressed my wish to trade our option book he said he will meet me on Friday. ( to give you a short bio - he used to work where I was before, left to run a hedge fund, sank it, lost all their money and took it to bankruptcy, so he got hired as head of our trading desk)
Friday I met him - his answer was you are sales why should I spend time getting you to trade our option book.. so why did you agree to meet me in the first place anyway? ( hence additional depression on Friday)
While I was there I asked him about other stuff and what he thought about it.
Today my boss ( boss1) called me to say that I wasn't allowed to talk to him about potential ideas to make money for the bank ( mind you all valid points) as that meant stepping on them.
Now same ideas were written to boss 1 2 and 3 previously, discussed previously, and so I was told raised previously... so.. I didn't see the issue there.

So boss 4 instead of looking at the numbers and acting on some potential great business wasted his time to go to boss 1 2 and 3 and say why that was raised by me and not by them...
so today was called in to say if they don't do something I just have to go back to them and ask.. what about that ? what you think of this? are you raising my point?? Am I their flipping nanny??? you know me... don't you think I would have already asked that about 100 times???

Then I was given an example which I think I'll never forget for life.
If our CEO walked in the corridor, stopped and asked you something, you are not allowed to say that something could be improved, because that would bring the entire team that looks under that thing into scrutiny.
And I said well.. that's the all point- proving that you really don't need that team because they are lazy and stupid..
ooh well.. no.. your ideas have to remain hanging there so that everybody can lazily trot along. In any other place, ideas and good business opportunities are looked in and rewarded.

Here clearly not...

Argued with a client too. and blablabla...

but you don't care.. because as Bill Gross said today in his last report "We have for so long now be willling to be entertained rather than informed, that we more or less accept majority opinion"... "it's Sunday afternoon at the Coliseum folks and all good fun, but the hordes are crossing the Alps and headed for modern day Rome - better educated, harder working, and willing to sacrifice today for a better tomorrow. Can it be any wonder that an estimated 1% of America's wealth migrates into foreign hands every year? We, as a people, are overweight, poorly educated, overindulged, and imbued with such a sense of self importance on a geopolitical scale, that our allies are dropping like flies."


Oh well... I'm day after day approaching more the thought of really quitting, worse come to the worst I go and live with Gina - well life really must hate me if we have to come round to that.

OK OK you want to see some pictures now- I really tried to upload you.. swear it didn't work!

Stop 2

Together with little Heidi- taking one of the London walk to visit a well known place, but discovering it..
We even did our little bit to help the community and help an old lady crossing the street with a shopping trolley!

We started with Chalk Farm and the graffiti ( my little old favourite)

We then proceeded with a little photoshoot, taking in the views, finding a very posh pair of D&G sunnies and visiting some landmarks.. 









And walking through the Zoo, discovering this amazing floating Chinese restaurant and walking through Camden the same night it burnt into high flames.

Apparently keeping a diary

relieves from depression.. Or so some stupid website stated..

So.. as there are lots of picture missing and many of you complaining about lack of fun things..

here you go.. You have to be patient.. as have a lot to catch up and my memory is a bit blurred on the events.

Let's start from the beginning....

Training for the Himalaya- the training turned out to be far more physically demanding than the climb itself.. but the training like many things didn't last very long and soon resumed the vodka and redbull and fag lifting

But here you go..

Stop 1

Val d'Aosta - the introduction of the Ciaspole - the weird shoes to walk in the snow..

I was crying for the pain and for lack of of a summit to reach. Just white snow on white snow on white snow..

But it was beautiful. Courtesy of Cri, Max and the walkie talkies that buzzed all the way!




 

The holy grail

Sometimes it feels like I'm looking for the holy grail in life.. Honestly it does
What I ask for it is just some comprehension, something... I don't know ... a minimal thing that goes the way I want.
Friends which are faithful and coherent, a job which doesn't depress me, a lover which understands what hurts me, but I came to the conclusion that it must be me. Either I accept life and people for what they are and I adapt to it, or I don't.
I tried, but I can't, I just can't believe that everything can be so wrong for so long.
I didn't want to be in this world, I am and I will never cope with it. I think that it's a skill, which I don't have and I don't seem to be able to learn, unfortunately they don't run an MBA on it, if they did I couldn't afford one anyway.
I think today I officially gave up, whatever happens next I truly don't care.
See I'm tempted to leave my job for the day of my birthday, the first only beautiful amazing present I ever received for my birthday, but that means I will have to leave the place where I live, the only thing which I can go back to, the only door in life of which I have a key for, the only thing I actually created. It's material, I know but it does exist, it's the only comfort I get, the only thing which doesn't change its mind, unlike people. Giving it up it will be like giving up everything. Yes it's sad, but that it's the way I live, waiting for somebody to understand me, unfortunately only walls can, however I don't fully own them, because you know in life you also have to be lucky enough to be male white posh and rich otherwise it's the equivalent of being thrown off a cliff, just that unfortunately they didn't, so they kill you slowly to make you stay here and keep being a hamster.
I'm even too coward and too fed up to end it all, I'm so stupid I'm waiting for people to do it for me. But my existence is killing me slowly eventually it will all end, and as I want it to be quick it won't, it will be a slow destroying pain.. just please write on my grave

Born turbated, died misunderstood.

If I could just not see tomorrow, that will be such a relief.

Probably you wish I never came back to blogging, but then do you really care?